Illogical Arguments against Same Sex Marriage-Opinion

lesbian-same-sex-marriage

This morning I stumbled on Bishop Harry Jackson’s July 3, 2013 guest blog on the Christian Post website Wounds of This Generation Can Harm Children.  Bishop Jackson is a senior pastor at Hope Christian Church in Washington, DC.  He is also the presiding Bishop of the International Communion of Evangelical Churches, a network of more than 1000 churches around the world.

As an LGBTQ advocate and psychologist with expertise in research, lifespan development and human sexuality, my feathers still get ruffled when I read this type of faulty argument in support of denying the rights of same sex couples to marry and raise children.

In his blog Bishop Jackson mentioned the consequences of “father abandonment.” He stated  “Children who grow up without their fathers are more likely to be poor, use drugs, commit crimes, drop out of school and commit suicide. The marriage debate has become so focused on the desires and demands of various groups of adults that we have forgotten the legitimate needs and terrible suffering of children.” Then he attempts to support his position by referencing the lyrics of a rapper and another musician who both grew up without fathers.

Decades of psychological and sociological research support an increased risk of drug use, criminal behavior, low education achievement, and depression for children who have been abandoned by their fathers. But let’s focus on the concept of parental abandonment. It refers to someone who by expected by assumed biological parentage and law to be involved in the life of a child. Research has looked at the impact on a child of having had a father active in their lives that later withdrew their emotional, physical, and/or financial support.

So how does this research about the impact of children being abandoned by a father have any connection to whether we allow gays, lesbians, and bisexuals to get married and raise children? It doesn’t.  Allowing same sex couples to get married provides an opportunity for any children they adopt or conceive via artificial fertility technology to have two parents would like love and nurture them.

When same sex couples, married or not adopt a child, they are adopting a child that has already been abandoned by both of his or her biological parents. Adopting such a child and providing them with emotional, physical, and financial support lessens the risk of all of possible outcomes of parental abandonment.

When same sex couples have a child using donor sperm, donor ovum, or both; the child is born into a two parent family.  Research has not examined the impact of not knowing who your sperm or ovum donor was and whether it has any type of impact on the child. When a father or mother abandons a child, the child feels there must have been something bad about them that made the parent leave.  How can a child feel shame and worthlessness about a sperm donor not knowing that he or she even exists?

Bishop Jackson goes on to say that the debate about same sex marriage will affect future generations of adults in terms of their thinking about marriage and parenthood. He supports this position by mentioning “two decades of social experimentation in Scandinavia-since legalizing registered partnerships and gay marriage in Scandinavia, an overwhelming number of adults have simply stopped bothering to get married in the first place.” [Note: Registered partnerships in Scandinavia: Denmark 1989; Iceland 1996; Norway 1993; and Sweden 1994.  Same sex marriage in Scandinavia: Denmark 2012; Iceland 2010; Norway 2009; and Sweden 2009.

Bishop Jackson ends his blog with “The looser we make the definition of marriage, the fewer people will feel bound to its obligations and constraints. And while broken relationships can hurt adults, they can destroy children.”

Since the 1970’s the divorce rate of opposite sex couples in the United States has continued to climb. More than half of first marriages end in divorce. The rate of divorce of second and third marriages is even higher.  The research on divorce supports the part of Bishop Jackson’s conclusion about broken relationships hurting adults and destroying children.

Now let’s get back to the topic of same sex marriage. Vermont was the first state in this country to grant same sex partnerships in 2000. Massachusetts in 2003 was the first state in this country to legalize same sex marriage. Connecticut in 2008 was the second U.S. state. So the divorce rate for opposite sex couples was already high thirty years before same sex couples were ever recognized in this country.

We really do have a lot of work to do.