#TaylorSwiftProblems: Billy Eichner’s “Glitter and Ribs” Parody Video Sings Angsty Summer Goodbyes

 

“You’ll never know my heart/like my heart/knows my heart…”

From Billy Eichner’s Taylor Swift Parody, “Glitter and Ribs

 

Art Imitating The Art of Emo Country-Pop

First Taylor Swift is the MTV VMAs victim (“I’ma let you finish”) , and now she’s the Mean Girl VMA vamp (just for mouthing the words “shut the eff up?). It’s kinda hard to keep up with all these pop star reality TV tragicomedies, isn’t it?

In the wake of Real Taylor Swift’s (ahem. Choreographed.) STFU incident and her recovery from it, Faux Taylor Swift just wants to muse aloud and brood.

Aloud.

So y’all, can we just take a second to wax nostalgic about the end of another bummer summer? Puh-lease?

Plucked right out of one of the lost episodes of Glee, here comes Billy on the Street with a little comic relief. Leave it to sassy-pants Billy Eichner to add his aggro two cents to the whole thing.

‘Cause really: which Taylor Swift are we supposed to believe in? Good Girl Taylor Swift or Bad Girl Taylor Swift? ‘You know we’re all either one thing or the other, don’t you?

Well, don’t you?!!!

_

In the new music video “Glitter and Ribs,” Funny or Die and Fuse TV’s resident smart-aleck sets the record straight. In the video, Faux Taylor Swift is every girl not yet a woman. She’s sassy, cute, happy, frustrated, sad, apologetic. She cries ugly, feels heartbroken, is independent. Yes. She’s strong, young, um…no. She’s old, totally weak and totally dependent. Yeah. Well…?

Celebrities are just like us—totally ambivalent and utterly complex.

 

Hook Up, Heartbreak, Cash In, Repeat

The real target of this video is the crazy, silly entertainment industry. “Glitter and Ribs” breaks down the “summer fling to summer heartbreak” song formula, the lie that is the ingenue/Lolita aesthetic, and the naughty habit pop stars and producers have of recycling the same song and video over and over to communicate the same ideas—and how that theater of the absurd spills into offstage antics, which then strangely become “real-life” antics.

And then the whole (press) cycle begins again.

As with everything in life, there is of course a grain of truth to what’s going on (private details we’ll surely never know) and how that contributes to Swift’s own creative process. Many artists believe that suffering is a key ingredient necessary for creative inspiration, and Swift just rocks that trope in her own Taylor-ish ways.

And why wouldn’t she? Doing so is a lucrative business, and these recurring themes work for her. The music business is indeed a business. Broken-hearted music sells, and “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” doesn’t apply to this particular case study and music biz model.

Swift’s sales figures and chart positions are telling: there’s catharsis to be had from hearing and singing along with this narrative that’s ever on repeat.

Still, when you think about the artistic choices Taylor Swift and her press team make compared to…say, India Arie’s, the repeated messaging, saga and drama that “Real Taylor Swift” is broadcasting do seem to be more than a little bit laughable.

And sometimes, ya gotta laugh to keep from crying.

Unless of course, you’re Faux Taylor Swift, because “life won’t always be glitter and ribs.”

So ciao for now…see you next summer never-ever-ever!

xo (sniffle, sniffle) xox,

– Faux Taylor Swift 

P.S. Ms. Faux Taylor, wash your face full of runny mascara away, come back to your viewing device of choice, and watch Billy on the Street. That’ll solve everything. For now.

Kisses!

 

“Would You Rather…?” And Other Random Comedy Hijinks With Billy on the Street

Meet Billy on the Street.

While minding your own business strolling down the streets of New York City, would you rather:

A) Get “Quizzed in the Face.”

B) Subject yourself to a“Lesbian Lightning Round” game with a pack of wild lesbians for cash or prizes.

C) List sex moves in front of Mr. Rogers.

D) Fight in public about Denzel Washington.

E) Watch Billy Eichner humiliate Will Ferrell.

 

….for a dollar. Hurry up—quick, dammit! Choose your final answer.

 

[Insert your answer here.]

 

Do you accept that as your final answer?

Sorry, no! You’re wrong.

 

Guess what—there is no right answer!

 

Get At Me, Billy: Cray Cray Gay Videos

Something wicked this way comes: it’s Billy on the Street, a different kind of game show featuring your host, Billy Eichner (Bob’s Burgers, Upright Citizens Brigade).

Billy on the Street will shove his microphone directly in your face, scream out questions, random facts or celebrity’s names, chase you as you flee from him, run toward you like a freight train, or just plain scream.

And this ain’t no “Cash Cab” or “Price is Right.”

Quizzically queer himself, Billy loves spouting off occasional gay dude jokes with no real punchlines, and his show’s all about silly spectacle, gay-centric chaotic confusion and the comedy of the awkward.

This show is all about smart-ass #LOLZ for smarties, “Makin’ dreams come true” courtesy of FUSE TV, a US-based cable outlet.

“Do you like FUSE?” Eichner asks impromptu contestant “Mr. Singh. “They play, like, five-hour long blocks of Rihanna videos. You’ll love it!”

For those of you playing the home game, as you can tell by now, nothing and no one is sacred here.

Should you dare to answer Billy’s questions correctly and win, you may or may not get a prize valued at around a dollar.* Then, Eichner will immediately run away from you or shoo you away with an accompanying “Thank you—bye now,” “Get the f—out of here,” or other such quickly-pummeled pleasantries.

Should you happen to answer incorrectly and lose, you’ll experience public humiliation (be forced to wear chicken suits or wear sandwich boards telling people how idiotic you are). So either way, the viewers always win.

(*In all fairness, sometimes Billy will reward you with a honkin’ huge chunk of cash—as in a hundred dollars or more, or prize equivalent. However, that too is random.)

Give the People What They Want: Manic-Comedic Fire Drills

Moreover, Billy’s improv antics, random celebrity sightings and occasional cattiness have earned him a Daytime Emmy nomination. For going on four whole seasons, Eichner’s been annoying folks just trying to get to work or take in a solo tour of New York in peace, while he amuses the rest of us.

His persona? It’s pure-grade a-hole. The absolute nerve…!

Billy Eichner will find you and eff with you. It will be filmed for posterity and guffaws. You will become Internet-infamous for less than 15 minutes, and the world will laugh at you. It’s just a matter of time.

FUSE, iTunes, Funny or Die and YouTube jointly host clips and full episodes of the Billy on the Street series.

Take a shot at a random interaction with Billy @BILLYEICHNER, tweet your aggro quiz questions to #BILLYONTHESTREET, or click here to visit him at YouTube.

#FTW! Watch Billy quiz a gay man in the face: just how much do you know about vaginas? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN70ur7-Q7A